Man in the Mirror pt.3

No use of giving a bunch of excuses so I’ll just jump right in. I must forewarn you that some of this may be rated TV-RE for TV-Revealing. Lol corny I know. Oh! and i know it says part 3 not 2...that's because i'm still working on 2. Enjoy!

As you may know I just moved to Austin Texas a few weeks ago to start my master’s program at the LBJ School in public affairs. Since my being here I believe God has been allowing things good/bad to happen to me for a reason. I don’t quite know what it is yet, but soon to find out. Am I worried? No, I believe everything has a purpose and maybe these things are to shape me into the person He will present to the world at the appointed time.

Now to the subject at hand; Last night was very thought provoking yet beneficial for me. Since I arrived at UT I’ve been dealing with the emotions: intimidation, apprehension, doubt, etc. about my abilities, my being here, and what I’m to accomplish while here. In a very cliché-ish way I would say little phrases to help me mitigate all the aforementioned feelings and emotions. But honestly, it was only a way to “cover” the pain I was afraid to reveal and be healed from. But I guess the Father had a different plan for me on last night.

While leaving my last class around 8:50 p.m. I had this thought or idea that I dealt with “pride.” Me=Pride? Oh heavens no! So as many of us do, I shrugged it off and continued in route to my car. While approaching the elevator I was greeted by a really good friend I’ve come to know since my arrival. He showed me a speech given by the Late Ted Kennedy’s son and the part that stuck out the most was how his father was dedicated to perseverance and admonished him to work harder than those who “have it easy” due to their “talents” and skill sets-to be triumphant in the end. After reading the passage my friend looks over and says, “dude, I’m not the smartest guy here, and many times I’m the one in class who’s like what did he say? And I don’t feel back because I know that even though I’m not the smartest now and they [the smarter people] may have it easy, if I work hard now-regardless of how dumb I look now (because that doesn’t matter) three years from now I’ll be exactly where I want to be with the knowledge to sustain and keep me there. All because I was willing to work hard and take what those smart people were saying/doing and using it to my advantage. “

Right then it became apparent that I was living behind a mask. I then began to confess: “dude, you don’t know how much you just helped me. For the longest I felt as if I had to always be on my stuff or live up to the name I had established. It was like falling short was taboo or something. Coming from Prairie View I was on my stuff and people knew me would tell you ‘yeah Johnie is on his stuff.’ And coming here I had this impression that everyone was expecting the same out of me. But in reality I’m starting at the ground level again and that’s totally okay.” He replies, “dude, many times people ask me stuff and I tell’em I don’t have all the answers…that’s why I’m here.”

And throughout the night, that was the one thing that stuck with me, “I don’t have all the answers…that’s why I’m here.” I was dealing with pride but wouldn’t admit it. I had apprehension, trepidations, reservations, etc. all because I was unwilling to face the fact that I was not being truthful with myself. I then confessed my sin to God and asked for grace to overcome this battle. Please pray for me as well. It just hit me that growth could not take place when I was in a suit that hindered it. You get it?

Man In the Mirror: pt. 1

Hey Family,

I apologize for not staying committed to writing the blogs. It's not a hassle (as the enemy may try to make me believe) but it is something i have to work on. It's a privilege to share what God is doing in my life. I guess that's the way i should start looking at it from now on...huh.

Well quick update: I've been dealing with some things these last few weeks. As you know I was fortunate to take a trip to Burundi Africa with my church Community of Faith (wwww.communityoffaith.tv) and Befriend the Batwa people. OMG! what an awesome experience. I encourage anyone who can, to take a trek to the MotherLand.

God really moved. During prayer time someone mentioned in their prayer, "God we're not expecting what you will do, but that you will do something..." And going over there I was expecting God to do something specific rather than just expecting him to move in the lives of his people. And He didn't move as Johnie had plan or expected, however, he did move and I'm still struggling with the affect of it right now.

What was it? He showed me what a real relationship looked like, and i didn't comprehend it. The scriptures says in John how when Jesus came, he came with the light of men. That light shined into the darkness and it [darkness] understood it not. That was literally me when i went to Burundi. God shined His divine light-of what a true relationship looks like-and i couldn't understand. Truth be told, i was too blinded by what society has lead us to believe what a relationship is suppose to look like-and that is what i can get out of the deal?

Take a second to examine yourself...Okay let's finish the story.

Suffice to say, i was floored when i met those wonderful people. I saw what it meant to have a "true" relationship with self, with your neighbor, and with God. I learned that it wasn't all about what i can get but rather what can i give. What can i do. How can i make them [the other person] better. And when i look at the bible and all of the many examples of God's grace i see clearly how He is the master at massaging a relationship. And how i was a "master" at only accepting it not trying to reciprocate.

Now I'm not trying to condemn myself to dust, but i am holding the mirror pretty close to my life-so to say-so i can see what impurities need to be washed away. For too long i've acted liked i didn't have spiritual pimples but i faced reality in Africa-and I do. Therefore, I need "GodActive." And don't get me wrong, I'm still dealing with the act of accepting this truth and applying it to my everyday life. Currently, I'm faced with a situation that i will have to rely solely on God to strategically order my steps as tread this, so that i don't hinder him from getting the Glory out of this situation.

My prayer now is: God grant me the grace, the ability, the strength to walk in your likeness when it comes to loving my neighbor as myself, loving myself in respect to the Holy Spirit's temple, and loving You like the kind, giving, compassionate Father you are.

Isaiah 41:10 Hold my hand Father as i walk.

Hey guys,

Hope all is well. 2 flights down and one more to go. We've been in the air for atleast every bit of 18 hours. Well i'm in Nairobi for a layover. I was suppose to only be here for about 2 hours but it ended up being longer. I just found out that i wont leave here until 1:20 AM-ish in the morning. Tired is an understatement. Please pray for my strength. "no rest for the weary." So far the trip has been awesome. I'm meeting so many cool people its unbelievable. I'm so excited about whats to come that it's unbelievable. God is gonna do a mighty work here. Well I have to go "mac-daddy" is only 87% as i write this and i need to conserve as much as i can.

-God is still faithful...

Burundi: Part 1 - On a Mission of Life

Hey Faithful Family,

I know it's been a very long time since i last posted something on here. It's my prayer now to get better...but I have a MAC now so i can do the videos when i don't feel like writing. And many times that's the case. I just don't feel like writing. Bless God for the Mac and webcam..lol

Well a quick update: I'm going to Burundi Africa on a mission trip with my church Community of Faith (www.communityoffaith.tv). Our mission is to strengthen the already established relationship the church has with the Batwa people. I truly believe God is going to move in a mighty way during this trip.

In addition, i have an unction to confirm this belief. Every time i think about Africa, every time some mentions something about my trip i get this "rumble" in my belly as if there is something on the inside of me like a spring, or well, or something. You know how you feel when you get excited, or nervous, or your adrenaline is pumping? Well that's what i feel-all 3.lol

As i close, i ask all who reads this post to please be in prayer for me, the team, and the people we're going to help. We leave sunday June 14 2009 and return on Friday June 26, 2009. Mama if you're reading this-know that i love you. Daddy if you get a chance to read this-Know that i'm glad to say that you're my daddy! I love you Pop! And to everyone else who's connected to me I love you always.

In Mark Jesus told the desciples to go into all the earth and "Preach the good news." I plan to do just that...

I aint "Tricken"

I was sitting at home watching CNN and this thought came to mind so tell me what you think. T.I. Said in a rap "it ain't tricking if you got it" to mean if I've got what I'm talking about then I'm not lying. I believe this statement derived from so many rappers claiming, in their songs, to have things that they really didn't; which in turn influenced young, aspiring, and upcoming artists to follow the already blazed trail of claiming to have things that they've only heard of. And this is detrimental to the business because it dilutes the message and image of the industry. \

I believe its safe to say that there are some "christians" who have been claiming to have Christ and they really don't; which in turn influences aspiring, or incoming children of God to follow the already blazed trail of claiming to have something they've only heard of. And this is detrimental to the "Body" because in a sense it dilutes the message and alters the image for others who are edgy about joining the family.

Chew on this!